So over the last couple of months, my life has been a big up and down, basically constantly.
Some days, I’ve been having trouble dealing with the most basic things, like going outside, going to the store, talking to people, not.. flipping out at something stupid.
Some other days, I’ve been feeling the best I ever have. Smiling all the time, happy thoughts all around, and I’ve been productive too.
Today.. I don’t really know what’s up. I’m just messed up, I guess.
The point is: The reason that I’m still here, and that I’m still sometimes happy, it’s you. You cheer me up. You make me happy.
I’m a fucking mess most of the time. Honestly. Anyone that’s not friends with me wouldn’t know, but I know you know. And I don’t care if you think “mess” is the right word, or “most of the time” is the right time, but I know that when I say that I’m a mess most of the time, you know what I mean.
Sometimes, I can’t think. I can’t speak. I can’t not cry. Sometimes, I even cut myself. I yell, I scream, I get mad at you without doing anything. I know all of this has happened before. I start fights and then pretend it’s all your fault. I tell you that you’re guilt tripping me even though you did literally nothing wrong. I suddenly start talking about wanting to kill myself.
I’m sure you read at least one of those things and thought to yourself “Heh, yea. That’s him.” And I don’t blame you for that, because it’s what I am.
But I also like to think that, sometimes, I’m not that. That sometimes, I’m happy, and nice to hang out with. Not annoying, but enjoyable. Not depressed, but happy and cheerful. I hope that sometimes, I make you smile, or laugh. That sometimes, I make you feel appreciated. Because that’s what you are.
You’re appreciated. You’re really, really great. Honestly. I appreciate you being around, be it just hanging out with me and chatting, or telling me that I’m great when I feel down.
I love being around you, and I love that you’re around.
So thanks. Honestly.
I have you to thank for writing this letter with a smile on my face.
To more smiles, and more fun. And hopefully less sadness.
Thanks for being the best.